Tuesday, June 26, 2018

Forgiveness


Inserting Red Flag: This post is written in my opinion, and it is not written to offend anyone. This is written in a more social perspective which includes friends, individuals you know, classmates, coworkers, etc. 

Forgiveness. Is it easier to forgive or to ask for forgiveness? Neither. If you are looking for an easy route when it comes to forgiving an individual or asking for forgiveness than you are not in the position to be doing either. Why? I am going to break it down to two sections which will be to forgive, and ask for forgiveness.


To Forgive: 

If you are in the predicament where you are required to decide if you should forgive someone then there are multiple things you have to take into consideration. For starters, if you forgive this individual, would it positively or negatively impact your life? If you know this individual for some time then you should have an idea if forgiving them would be a good idea or will the conflict repeat itself. If not, you need to decide if the conflict is small/pity that can be forgiven and if you think this friendship is worth it. Regardless of whether you know the individual for a short period or long period of time, you should be able to determine if they are worth being friends with. Do you enjoy their presence? Are they someone you would trust? Do you think they are honest? Etc. Furthermore, did they work for the forgiveness they are trying to obtain? Did they just apologize by saying, "I'm sorry" and did not tell you why they are actually sorry? If they didn't explain the reason for apologizing, it's not an apology. Throwing words like "I'm sorry" does not fix a situation. Why are you sorry? What would you do better next time? Honey, if the individual is not working for the forgiveness, they should not be forgiven.

I have met many individuals who forgive because they want to obtain peace and avoid unnecessary drama. Due to this, they say they forgive the person, but they did not want to. To this situation, they should make it clear that is exactly what they are trying to do. They need to make the individual aware that they have decided to forgive them for their own self-peace and not for the individual. Why? They are lying, deceiving, and causing unnecessary drama to be created in the future. Honesty is the best policy and if you do not want to forgive them, don't. You are not doing the individual any favours by forgiving them and not meaning it. Forgiveness is not easy and should be thought about before given. 


Asking for Forgiveness:    

If you are in the position where you have to ask for forgiveness because you have wronged in some way, then there are many things that should be taken into consideration before you do. Firstly, do you sincerely want to apologize to the individual? How do you know? You should feel guilty for the situation you are apologizing for and you should know exactly why you are apologizing for. If you don't know the reason for your apology, then there is no purpose of asking for forgiveness. Don't just apologize because you don't like it when someone is upset/angry at you. Figure out why you are asking for forgiveness. Secondly, you can be in a complicated situation where you are unaware of why an individual is angry/upset at you and you ask for forgiveness. Being ignorant does not help you and you need to ask that individual why they are angry/upset. Furthermore, do not assume the reason they are angry/upset for and just ask. If they don't respond to you, asking for forgiveness is a waste of time and its best for you to move forward. This brings me to the third point, don't run after the individual if they don't want to associate with you at the moment. You are wasting your time and you are annoying them by trying to get in contact with them when they don't want to be contacted. If they wanted to fix this situation and wanted you to ask for forgiveness, they would have left a way for you to do so or confronted you. Pretty much, if they blocked you everywhere, take a hint that they don't want to be bothered.   

That sums up the general knowledge about forgiving and asking for forgiveness. If you do decide to forgive the person who has wronged you in some way, I would like to give my opinion now how you should handle that situation. "I forgive, but I don't forget," is a quote I stand by which means that you forgive the individual, however, you don't forget what they did. Keep it at the back of your head when it comes to them because when they do you wrong again, you will be less surprised and you can change your decision of giving them forgiveness a second time. Also, a note I would like to insert in the end, if you have a forgiving nature, be aware that gives individuals the opportunity to take advantage of you. What I would recommend is keep it to yourself. Don't announce to your friends that you have a forgiving nature, or don't just automatically forgive the individual, take precaution.